Goals are good to have.

Good morning M’dear! Such a week it’s been. I’m half stressed out – it’s an ugly kind of stress – and that means it affects my confidence. The source: work. I have strict metrics to meet on a monthly basis and for the past 9 or so months I’ve been meeting them easily and with great alacrity. Then last month and now this month, boom.



The bottom has dropped out from under me and I’m floundering. Those metrics are pretty significant to my position and dropping the ball can lead to all sorts of unpleasant things. I’m disputing one of the findings. It’s a 50/50 shot at whether or not it goes my way so I won’t count on it. I have zero room left for error for the next 3 weeks. I am a perfectionist and very very hard on myself when I miss the mark.


My direct supervisor thinks I should take a deep breath, let it go, and get back to being perfect. Ha! That’s sort of a stupid way to look at it. Let the potentially harmful to my position/record go and go back to being perfect. Yah. So not me. I’ve never been a laid back ‘shit happens’ kinda gal. I’m a kicking and screaming kinda gal. I’m fighting the error and working hard to remain perfect at the same time. I couldn’t fight it last month, I did drop the ball; I missed an update on a procedure and as result followed outdated information. That’s a no-no. That has a potentially negative effect on our members/providers. So I’m getting a little obsessive.


**


However! I’m not dragging it home with me in my off hours. I’m leaving it with the desk and as soon as I turn off that computer I drop work related stuff in the mental bin labeled: 8 a.m. tomorrow. Or, that’s the idea anyway. I can imagine Rob reading this in a couple of hours on his RSS feeds and shooting me such a look. He keeps me honest.

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The big chunk of my focus is this: I gained 20lbs in 1yr!! Ack!!! Argh!!! I’m FAT! It all began when I started doing hikes on uneven ground back in late 2007 /early 2008. My knees started swelling and giving me some pretty bad pain. I went to the Dr, remember? As a result I stopped exercise almost entirely to let my knees heal. Then when they stopped aching I got focused on other activities and exercise didn’t make itself a feature of my daily life and I started eating without really doing any calorie counting at all. I made a few swipes at it. But I didn’t make it a priority and a daily habit. So I got fat-ter. I went from looking down and seeing my toes to looking down and seeing my breasts, then my belly and having to bend over both to see my toes. That’s pretty damn awful.


I’m back on the treadmill. Every single day. I’m working back up to a full hour + 10 minutes of stretching at the beginning, midway point and end. I working for it, but isn’t quite there yet. I’ve dropped the calorie intake sharply and am making sure over 60% of my daily foodstuff is fresh fruit and vegetables. No flour, no sugar (I don’t eat much sugar anyway, not a sweets addict), no white rice, no russets, no simple carbs at all. Complex carbs and fish and chicken and raw vegetables, cooked vegetables, nuts, fruits, dried fruits and water! I’ve got to jump start the metabolism and drop this weight + the weight was working on dropping when I fell off the health lifestyle wagon. I’ve stepped on a scale once this week and I’ll step on it again once next week and keep track.


Logging all the exercise, water, food intake, nutrients (vitamins, glucosamine chondroitin (sp?), ibuprofen (knees!)) and been completely forth right about every challenge met and failed is the only way I dropped 40 lbs two years ago. I’ve done it before; I know I can do it again. I will do it again. Dammit.


**


Rob is on the same path, working right along beside me. You know when the woman who does the majority of the meal prep starts eating badly and failing to exercise with her work out partner that he’s just as likely to fall off the wagon as she is? Yep, him too. He’ll drop it back off a lot faster than me and my jealous bone will growl at him but I’ll celebrate it too. A healthy man is a happy man.


**


I’m looking through seed catalogs looking at plants for spring. I’m very much ready for spring. Winter isn’t even a month old yet and I’m over it. Ya know this time of year makes me thing of Sedona and Flagstaff? I’m thinking of raised beds and container planting. Making some sketches, looking at what I have and arranging it in my mind. I want a lettuce/greens bed, I want heirloom tomatoes (because 8.99 a lb is friggin ridiculous!), I want my basil and fennel and dill and oregano and thyme and tarragon and calendula, I want zucchini and summer squash and cucumbers and peas and onions. I have a pretty big I want list. Come on spring!


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Books! I’ve been reading fun things – authors I enjoy for light fun reading before bed:


Fearless Fourteen, by Janet Evanovich


Plum Spooky, by Janet Evanovich


Wolfsbane & Mistletoe, edited by Charlaine Harris


The Lord of the Rings (Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers, Return of the King), by JRR Tolkien


That’s about it kids, I’ve wound down for the week. Have a great Sunday